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| It is one of the most beautiful things, that even though your heart is heavy, when someone asks you to tell them where you've seen God being faithful lately and you can wholeheartly respond by asking "Well, how much time do you have?" because you have so many stories of how you've seen God working in your life. As I reflect, I really have begun to see my life in seasons. Seasons of different things that I'm learning or experiencing-themes that run through certain times and transitions in my life, that in reflection, are very distinct in how I grew-how I was shaped. For a bit, when I entered into whatever season this is for my life, I thought it was a season of God's faithfulness but what I've gently realized is that it is my learning is the season, not God's faithfulness. God's faithfulness is like the ground-or as my friend Liv compared-like a tree, the solid and firm and ever constant thing that weathers and endures whatever season may bring. and goodness be, do I like that. And I feel the need to clarify that I know God's faithfulness, His love, are a thing that extend beyond any circumstance we face. And I was always one of those people who was bothered by the idea of people who are in fortunate circumstance as being 'blessed', like God plays favorites and if he doesn't like you it's just too bad for you and your life will be miserable sort of thing. The unconditional love of Jesus on the cross cries out to me that God loves everybody and that in this broken world things, circumstances can be hard and often seemingly unfair but that does not negate that love-the love beyond condition or circumstance. What I am saying is that there is still good to be seen in the midst of this broken world, and I think that it is really important that when we see it, when we experience it-that we claim it as good and we claim it as God. and we share so we don't forget.
and we share to bring hope to others.
and we share so we can remember during those seasons of emptyness that God still is faithful-that He has not forgotten us here on earth. and that perhaps one of the most beautiful things is to witness His tangible faithfulness through the selfless acts of other people in your life. in my life.
and i think that is all good. and i think that is beautiful. goodness be. p.s. this is not really related but it makes my heart so ridiculously happy. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQc6bGlSEiE | | |
| I took my grandpa to get his cancer treatment the other afternoon. All of the patients sit in recliners along a wall while they are hooked up to their medicine. As we were watching I Dream of Jeannie, I got to chatting with the middle-aged lady in the chair beside my grandpa's. She shared that she had been there since 8 that morning and it was then 4 in the afternoon as she was just finishing up and that she would have to come back the next day for a shorter treatment. In spite of that throughout my conversation with her and listening to her talk to the nurses, she said over and over that it had been a 'good day', a long day but a good day. and she spoke 'good day' with the authority of those people who had surely experienced enough truly hard, bad days to realize that sometimes having a 'good day' is a matter of choice instead of circumstance. and though she didn't know it, she very much inspired me. her determination of seeing the good when she was weary and in pain. sometimes, it seems this world likes to numb us, to keep us so busy and moving and almost feeling helpless in the grand scheme of things that we forget, that in as much as life throws curveballs and many things really are out of our control, sometimes we actively need to take part, to engage in this day. sometimes, life is a matter of choosing to love, choosing to feel, choosing to trust, choosing to hope, choosing to die to ourselves... and sometimes even just choosing to have a 'good day'. I hope you have a good day.
Embrace it,
Mags | | |
| today, i mourned.
and i don't know why today, or why i tell you this. whoever you are.
but today i mourned.
i mourned over loss. the loss of people, and time, and dreams and ideals, and memories, and the good things that have been taken away. and cried over the brokenness in this world. and hurting for the broken people. and hurting with God and for Him and too, wondering where He is sometimes in all the pain i see. sometimes, we need to mourn. to know that it is okay to grieve.
to grieve over whatever causes you pain. whatever breaks you. it's okay.
really. you (whoever you are) don't always have to be so strong.
it's okay to feel. to be weak. to cry. things are not as they were meant to be. and that deserves some kind of compassion, empathy, something. i read somewhere that 'a broken heart can contain the whole world'.
and you really need to know it's okay and you aren't alone. now, we can't live in this always, for burdened shoulders are hindered in reaching out. and if we trust God, we trust that He is big enough to handle these things. that there is still good to be enjoyed and even fought for. but in our willingness to be weak, to be broken, I think we will find much more in common with God than we realize. that He mourns with us. He collects our tears. He is thisclose, even when you feel completely alone. and it's strange but i hope you find comfort in that. whoever you are.
i'm trying, too. joy comes in the morning. embrace today, in whatever that needs to look like for today.
maggie | | |
| Over Christmas break, my gramma came home after being in a nursing home for a month doing rehab after breaking bones in her pelvis. i helped bring her home and one time when i was over visiting she asked me to help her get her shoes on because she could quite yet bend down all the way. i smiled to myself because i remembered when we were younger, gramma always used to help us get our shoes on as we were getting ready to leave. we would sit in the chair by the door and she would sacrifice her thumbs between our feet and holding up the back of the heel, trying to help the impatient little ones step into shoes that always seemed to be too tight for us to get on ourselves. Much of my childhood was spent at my grandparents, they lived right across the road from us, so we were there whenever my parents were at work. During the summers at gramma's, my days were filled with PBS, coloring, picking black berries, playing a made-up version of three player badmitton, and imaginative journeys to the basement. my favorite memories were probably of warm summer evenings in their front yard, catching fireflies with gramma to the sound track of crickets and the crackling noise of the baseball games that grandpa would be listening to on the radio. those airy memories seem to be a contrast to where i find myself now, in transition to some direction of a 'grown-up' sort of life i am just beginning to learn about and feeling often ill-equipt for. decisions i make, seem to have such weight, and i feel very aware that i am actively writing now, what will one day make up my past. while i realize they are not the end, things like choosing a job or place to live or what relationships you find yourself in, all seem to gain magnitude in the grand scheme of life. you realize one 'yes' can equal a thousand no's and how there is so much uncertainty. sometimes that responsiblity can be really overwhelming. But in spite of all of that, i wonder if and i am trying to take heart, in as much as these 'big' decisions give direction for your life, you find that life is actually made up of the everyday things. that the journey of life is infact made up of little steps and that God is to be found everywhere, maybe even moreso in the 'inbetween'. and maybe in being reminded of this you begin to take time to find the magic that can hide within the mundane, the beauty of the little things that season themselves into those memories that become treasured, like those memories of chasing fireflies... while i have no idea what my future holds, i wonder if maybe somewhere far down the road, yet (as time always seems to slip away without you realizing it) probably far sooner than i anticipate, i will find myself helping my squirming grandchild with over-sized, precious moments eyes step into their little shoes... and maybe just a little past that, i will find myself being the one in need of having my shoes tied by them. and in the roles reversing I will smile to myself, graced to see all things come full circle. embrace today,
maggie | | |
| simple thoughts. I got a new journal and I think it is just remarkable. It was handcrafted in the Himalayas and has a sweet hemp cover, wood button bookmark, and handmade paper pages. It is the perfect size to hold, it fits in your hands with a comfort like that of holding a bible. It’s perfect, it evokes the sentimentality of those old books that time has roughed and aged to a beautiful and priceless treasure. It’s just the perfect journal…
And I’m afraid to write in it.
Seriously. It seems very silly to have a journal that you are afraid to write in, since the very purpose of a journal is to fill it. I’ve started a few pages but it just seems to precious, to important, to risk contaminating it or messing it up with ink or to fill with thoughts any less worthy than the pages it holds.
It’s ridiculous.
And as with most things for me, it becomes an analogy for something greater. As I sit and am afraid to put down thoughts, to open up the chance to mess it up,I become convicted about life and how fear keeps us from doing those things that matter. Somedays, I am overwhelmed at just how precious each day is and all of the opportunities each moment could present. And then I think about how very messy I am with life, how very apt I am to make mistakes and ruin things. And ironically, in the end the day is lost and gone because I choose my inadequacy over the bravery that could bring risk but seems to be the point of life.
And I don’t think I’m alone in this. I’m learning a lot about bravery and how it is never something that is equated with being easy. And I think God very much calls us to be brave, for to be brave is sometimes to show trust in the midst of being completely lost and not understanding. Being willing to be hurt, to put ourselves aside for what is good.
And then I come back to love, and how loving is probably the bravest thing we are ever invited to do. There is no greater heart risk than loving someone and knowing that this means being vulnerable, and the possibility that we won’t be loved in return, that we could get hurt. It means accepting that we are not perfect and the people we are called to love are not perfect either which means stuff can get messy and that sometimes we mess up and have to apologize even if it is uncomfortable or awkward. Uncertainty is so frightening but if we are honest, outside of God’s love, there is not one single thing we are promised for this day. Sometimes life is enduring in uncertainty and that's all we have.
It’s easier to be silent. It’s easier to avoid getting to know people than to go deep with them and realize you could lose them someday. It’s easier to be angry, to be hurt, to let resentment build up than to be honest and work through things.
The easy thing and the right thing are hardly ever the same thing.
But then we are called to do the right thing. And to take the challenges of today for the sake of the Kingdom and not our sake or safety.
I’m trying to be braver. To be more honest. To risk more.
And to realize that it is actually in the mess that true life is made.
And sometimes filling pages is about the meaning and not the aesthetic or perfection.
And most of the time it is in the messy, unplanned things that the most beautiful discoveries are made.
Maybe God is just asking us to be brave. And to trust Him.
And in that maybe we truly discover what He means by ‘abundant life.’
Not easier, but better. and His better is worth it.
Be brave :)
Embrace today,
Mags 
p.s. if you get the chance you should listen to 'appreciate' by nick jonas. that's all. :) | | |
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